When Mother's Day isn't a joyful holiday, there are ways to cope

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For many people, Mother's Day celebrates special relationships, reinforces family bonds or evokes fond, poignant memories.

But not for everyone. In some circumstances, 鲜花、拥抱和向妈妈致敬的日子可能会引发悲伤, stress or even resentment.

"Lots of people might struggle with the holiday," said Dr. 达拉斯德州大学西南医学中心的家庭治疗专家安吉拉·希夫纳说. "They can really feel lost in the celebrations."

Dr. Erin Hunter, director of the Mary A. 密歇根大学安娜堡分校的拉克姆心理健康诊所, 她说，有很多原因可以解释为什么母亲节是一个艰难的日子.

People can be grieving for a mother or mother figure who has died, 或者忍受一段仍在进行的艰难的母子关系, she said. 想成为母亲的人可能正在与生育问题作斗争，并处理未能实现希望的痛苦.

亨特说:“你会觉得自己错过了别人能享受到的特殊时光。. “如果你想避免心理诱因，这真的很难."

As Mother's Day approaches, 这两位心理健康专家提出了应对假日的策略，如果它不太可能产生创始人想要的快乐.

The first step, Hiefner said, 沟通——“双方都站在为假期而挣扎的人的角度?, 但对于那些想要在他们身边庆祝的家人来说，他们也觉得自己如履薄冰，不知道如何以最好或最敏感的方式来庆祝."

That may sound simplistic, she said, “但我们常常忽略了这个问题:‘我知道这对你来说很艰难, but what would be easiest for you? 或者你不想庆祝这一天，因为这也是一种选择.'"

People who think they'll have a hard time coping on Mother's Day, Hunter said, need to prepare in advance.

她说:“暂停一下，提前思考一下，这样你就可以在面试临近的时候计划你需要做什么。. "Think about what you might need and how to spend the day."

Here are some options to consider:

Connect with other loved ones. 亨特说:“他们可以是家人、朋友，也可以是你所在的社区。. "Mothering gets associated with nurturing, 在母亲关系之外，养育孩子的方式有很多. 想想那些在我们生活中养育我们的人，并尊敬他们."

Take care of yourself. "Plan to have some down time or write in a journal," Hunter said. “也许这是远离社交媒体或任何线上电子游戏飞禽走兽的一天. 花点线上电子游戏飞禽走兽在大自然中，庆祝你是谁，庆祝你做过的好事."

Keep it simple. For those who recently lost a mother, "sometimes people get caught up in that it has to be a big thing," Hunter said. "Focus on what's easy and achievable. 我知道有些人会在他们(已故)母亲的画像旁点一支蜡烛, or share stories about her, just to pause and think about her."

两位专家都说，如果没有什么是完美的，不要为悲伤而难过.

“有时我们认为，如果我们不去触碰悲伤，我们就能从它身边溜走，”希夫纳说. “人们需要认识到，对这一天有复杂的感情是可以的, to have joyfulness and sadness. 我们需要承认这些情绪，表示支持，避免忽视它们的倾向. 这样每个人都能更轻松地度过和享受假期."

There's nothing wrong with shedding a few tears, Hunter said. "That can be a great emotional release as well. 它让你前进，而不是被困在失去和错过的空间."

最重要的是，希夫纳说，在没有绝对的对与错的情况下要灵活.

“每个人对压力、悲伤和其他情绪的反应都不一样，”她说. "We can come together and talk about what the holiday means to us."